the first 6 months

It has been already a bit more than 6 months since I started my residency training. I wish I could say that it was not as bad as I expected.But it's exactly as I expected. The time constraints are getting to me and the additional activities not directly related to the training are getting on my nerves.

Just the fact that my co-residents are all women, married, with kids makes my own concerns seem small in comparison. How can I argue with a request for me to go on duty on a Sunday because it's a son or daughter's birthday, the only time to attend to wedding plans, etc. etc.?

Ask me what I know so far - not enough. I should know a lot more by now but I'm not focused. I've never been disciplined enough to study a few hours every day. Whatever amount of free time to myself gets wasted on mundane things like sleep and looking for dates.

What bothers me is that I don't have anything good to say about what I'm in right now. It's not that I'm in over my head. It's just that my perspective is somewhat skewed.

I need something to balance the stress. Maybe someone will do.

Taxi!

It was around 9pm and I was heading home after watching a movie. It was a bit of a movie date that wasn't bad but just felt... Lacking. I had been at work the whole day so was a bit tires and I decided to take a taxi home. I was lost in thought while waiting for the specific taxi line that wouldn't mind going to my place (taxi drivers here are choosy). After maybe 30min I finally got to flag one down.

Like I said, I was deep in thought and it was maybe after 10mins that I got a look at the driver. He was cute (just when I least expected it). Maybe it was the frustration or stress of work that made me foolhardy enough to try and flirt with him :) anyway, i started small talk...

The easiest topic I could think of was to ask about his work (one of my ambitions is to become a taxi driver. Don't ask). He said he drove for 24hrs every other day and since he had insomia, this job made good use of it.

I guess he assumed that I worked at an office because of my clothes. He asked me,
"how much do you earn in a month?"

I answered honestly to that.

He said, "i make that much in one week." and then added, "you could apply as a taxi driver at our office."




....

(and as for the flirting part - where was traffic when it was needed!)

Un(self)aware

I had not one but two instances this week where my temper slightly got the best of me. The first was a miscommunication with another department over what was being referred to the department I was in. I didn’t make a mistake but when I first heard about it, I suddenly went on the defensive. I should have remained calm.

The second was while attending to a fellow personnel of the institution I am in. I may or may not have intentionally made them wait longer than was usual. And I might have been slightly callous in my interaction.

Maintaining a pleasing demeanor is hard when things are happening so fast and when I get surprised. It’s something I need to learn or one day it’ll get me into big trouble.

Gossip

Almost everyone I know won’t give a second thought to spreading gossip as something they heard or saw firsthand. That’s why I find it ironic (and very irritating) why relatives of patients always want to hear the news straight from the doctor - they don’t seem to trust others to give them news about the medical status of their loved-ones. Irritating because you have to repeat the same stuff over and over and over everytime a new relative comes to visit.

If only people would do the same when it comes to news about other people.

Incident Report

Ganito pala feeling pag nagkaron ng incident report (IR). Parang defensive ka lagi at paranoid. Lalo mahirap kung yung attitude and body language ang point of conflict, very subjective. Masyadong madaming variables ang involved sa interpretation nun. Pero dahil sa nangyari pati sa galaw ko paranoid ako baka kasi meron maoffend ule, which may be a good thing. Pero parang parang may backseat driver pag ganito - makakaabot ka nga sa pupuntahan pero ang sakit sa ulo



(trans:)
So this is what it feel’s like to have an incident report (IR). You feel defensive and paranoid all the time. More so when the focus of the report is my attitude and body language - very subjective. There are too many things that affect one’s interpretation. Because of this, I’m overly conscious that I might offend someone again. That may be a good thing. But it feels like having a backseat driver - you’ll still get to your destination, but you’ll have one hell of a headache!