Sunday, March 11, 2007

Stranger to Friends


They say the only true friends we have are those made in Highschool. This was true for me. I had 6 years in grade school and 4 years of highschool to strengthen those friendships. We were neighbors, playmates, churchmates, schoolmates. Even if I wasn't really sociable, i had a great circle of friends then.

Then I found out that I really wasn't who I thought myself to be. I couldn't tell my friends... being rejected was the easy part... but their parents were family friends - being humiliated was what I was afraid of.

I never consciously flirt with schoolmates, workmates, or churchmates but I was afraid they would suspect that I was gay. Slowly, I drifted away. I didn't make efforts to communicate with them, even if they were just a phone call, heck even just shouting distance away - what would I tell them anyway? I couldn't tell them about the heartbreaks, about the love found and then lost... I coudn't tell them anything.

I know some of them would accept me and not even mind, but I couldn't risk finding out who would and who wouldn't.

Yes, I've made friends with persons like myself. But who'd want tell their life stories to people who have maybe exactly the same stories and don't know what to do either?

I've become a stranger to my closest friends. I wouldn't be blogging now if it wasn't true.

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Daybyday4-2day: I don't really know if I'm afraid to face the truth.

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