Hopeless

... That's what I feel looking at our patient. She's 53. Found to have cancer of the food tube. She was supposed to undergo radiation therapy when she experienced difficulty breathing. She had to be admitted to the ICU and hooked up to a machine that would do the breathing for her. Doctors found out that the cancer had spread to her lungs. There is nothing they can do. It's practically game over.

It would be easier if she wasn't fully awake and comprehending. I cannot imagine what is ging through her mind. But she either is in denial or is not aware of her actual status. She's in limbo. Midway between life and death... Or maybe nearer death. But what she's going through right now is no way to live nor is it a way to die.

Only a miracle can save her. And if there's no chance of one happening, she has to at least die with dignity... But there doesn't seem to be a chance of either.

Emotions on Thanksgiving Week

This was some week.

APPREHENSION. about the upcoming licensure exams this coming sunday and monday. This should have been the only thing on my mind but somehow, it was the least of my worries. I’m worried because I don’t feel worried.

OUTRAGE. at the IMPUNITY (this is the strongest word I could find) of the people behind the massacre in Maguindanao where 57 people, all civilians were brutally killed while exercising their democratic rights. Either the masterminds were SOOOO STUPID to think that they could get away with it or they were so brazen because they KNEW they WOULD get away with it. And after seeing the government’s actions so far, they might actually get away with it.

WORRY. Our 8 year old dalmatian had to be admitted to a vet clinic. He had been straining every time he pees for the last 2 weeks. We were planning to take him to the vet after the exams but last Wednesday, he couldn’t even get a drop out. EMERGENCY. Turns out dalmatians are prone to kidney stone formation and that seems to be the case because there were stone fragments after he was catheterized. I’m worried because we might have to decide to have him put down if he doesn’t improve. I don’t know if I can handle being part of that decision.

PRIDE. yes, there was a good thing that occurred. A Filipino, Efren Peñaflorida was awarded by CNN as hero of the year for his pushcart classrooms. It reminds me that there still are selfless people here and not just the power-hungry, soul-less bastards that caused my feelings of outrage.

I'm looking and hoping for a quiet week ahead.

Life & Death, and Facebook

I saw this status on a Facebook account of someone I know:

“going home to the Philippines to bury my dad”

It’s shocking news. But I don’t wanna react yet. Maybe the “dad” he refers to is someone else other than his biological father. Someone whom he fondly calls “dad”. I really, really hope it’s not his biological father.

[fingers crossed]

UPDATE: text messages to people around seem to confirm that it's true. Feel so sad suddenly. Heavy heart.