I’m at a crossroads again and saying I’m terrified is an understatement. The past 10 years was a fork in the road and it led me to:
1. a degree in Medicine
2. a degree in Nursing (don’t ask)
3. my first job (with pay)
4. my first delivery (of a baby)
5. new friends
6. old friends
7. 4 relationships
8. lose a laptop and 2 cellphones
9. own 5 cellphones
10. my first digital camera (S5IS)
11. my first DSLR (D5000)
12. Kalibo
13. Polillo
14. Baguio (5x)
15. Cagayan de Oro
16. Puerto Galera (3x)
17. Romblon
18. Subic (2x)
19. Baler, Aurora
20. Boracay (4x)
21. Christmas Vacations with Family (5x)
22. But the best thing that happened to me was I gained weight.
If you’ve been following this blog you know what I mean. There’s a reason I had so few pictures during before 2006 – I hated myself. I can see myself in medschool (2000-2003), clerkship (2004), and internship (2005) looking like I was the patient instead of the doctor. My long-time friends can attest that I looked that way even before 2001. Actually I was that way since highschool.
After passing the Medical boards I didn’t go into specialty training. I was tired of that life. I instead look for a clinic where I could work as a general physician. It was while working there that a medrep visited and recommended a certain chinese herbal medicine that could increase appetite. I had tried everything else before and even in I was sceptical I took this meds. The result: pictures Sept 2005 – April 2006.
My life changed.
Why am I writing this? Because this year I have to start my specialty training. For the next 3 years (minimum) I’ll have to give up my time, my income, vacations, sleep, and I just pray that my relationship is strong enough to survive.
If I had my way, I wouldn’t go into training but my future would be at stake. I have to.
Why am I writing this? because if I went directly into specialty training immediately after the board exams I would already be a specialist now. But it’s very likely that I would still look and feel the way I did during the first half of the past decade. If I went straight into training I wouldn’t be confident and happy about myself. I wouldn’t love myself.
I am trying to convince myself that those years weren’t wasted. I want to believe it was worth it not going into training immediately.
Because the consequence of that delay now means that my life as I know it will end, and will again start at 40, literally. While others will be enjoying the results of their hard work at that time, I’ll be just starting my hard work.
I have made a lot of decisions I regret but the past 5 years can’t be part of them. They were worth it.
I’m still (quietly) hoping that no hospital will accept me or for some reason find me unqualified but deep inside I know I’ll be starting this year and I can’t put it off anymore.
I just pray that somehow I learn to love what I do because,
“Time flies when you’re having fun.”
