Words Not Allowed

I’m the type of person whom when I get mad or irritated at someone, I can’t seem to get it out of my system immediately. If the person I’m at odds with talks and tries to explain reason out, I reason back; If he keeps quiet, I start fuming inside. It’s usually a lose-lose situation once I get mad.

I’ve been going out with someone for the past 3 months. We seem to have the same temper. Not really that easily triggered, but when it does… there goes the rest of the day.

It seems he’s found a way to calm me down. It’s happened twice and has had the same effect. He just sits there and says nothing while I fume inside either with anger or regret, then just takes and holds my hand.

It doesn’t matter if we’re still both mad, or angry; nor does it matter if the problems hasn’t been solved. What matters to me is that the gesture means that “no matter what is happening right now, things will be alright between the two of us.”

And just like that, whatever negative feelings I have just fizzes out. (Somehow it doesn’t work the same way. if I’m the one who grabs his hand)

Undeserved Gratitude

She was in her 70's, still strong. She came in because of dizziness for the past 3 days. Her blood pressure was 170/90.

She was hard of hearing. I short of patience.

I got irritated having to shout out everything I had to say. And still there were times she didn't understand what I was saying.

When it was time to collect my compensation, she didn't have enough for the consultation fee, and she still wanted to get some pills that would relieve her of her discomfort.

I got tired shouting my explanation that she didn't have enough. I was exasperated to the point that I refused to accept the money she had just to make her leave. I also told her that I didn't have the medicine she needed (i lied).

A few minutes later she was back. She had bought the medicine and wanted to make sure they were the right ones. They were. But they were 2x more expensive than what I had in stock which I could have sold to her.

She thanked me and insisted that I accept even a small amount for my services. I refused. She thanked me again and left.

I then realized. I would have earned a bit had I sold her the medicine I had in-stock.

Another Round of Testing

I just installed a newer firmware on my phone (again!)

Here goes another Round of testing *sigh*

When it Rains...

... It pours!

Nothing seemed to go right this week. Things I did with the best of intentions back-fired and i'm being blamed instead; lost time, wasted energy, opportunities gone, paranoia and doubt stepping in...

It feels as if I'm in a whirlwind of events trying to hold on to something stable and concrete, but everything seems to be out of grasp.

I'm tired and exhausted. i'll just keep still and wait for things to fall where they will, and pick up the pieces.