Meditational Music

I've always had a bit of obssessive-compulsiveness in my personality. Not as bad as before but once in a while it shows up. Mostly it's thoughts that keep on replaying in my head - the "what ifs" of something I have to make a decision about. Then it's usually followed by a headache because of too many thoughts running about in my head and the chaos that results.

I had one such episode today. I was thinking about my character in the role playing game Dragon Age. Yup, a computer game. Somehow the choices of what attributes to focus on, spells to use, weapons and armor to wear, companions to choose gave me a headache :D I wasn't even playing since I was at work, I was just thinking about my ongoing game. Pretty soon I had a headache.

My previous post about OmmWriter, a software that tried to provide a relaxing environment to allow writers and bloggers to focus on what they were writing about came to mind. Maybe the music included in the program would allow me to relax since it was supposed to be meditational music. I didn't think so, but I started the program and put earphones on.

Immediately the thoughts in my mind were just gone and the headache vanished. There was order. Somehow the music was the only thing I could focus on and it brought quiet to my mind. *wondering* So that is how meditational music works.

Now my compulsiveness is clicking in and I have several megabytes of Zen music waiting in queue to be downloaded - for those times when I can't hear because of the chaos of my thoughts.

Starting Over... and Over... and Over

Have you ever had those nights where you lie in bed thinking about all the things that you wish you could change, and then decide that, "Hey, starting tomorrow it'll be a whole new me"? You convince yourself that you'll learn to have a positive outlook, be content with what you have, learn to appreciate small things and be grateful for everything... and then before you realize it, it's the end of another day and you're exactly the same as yesterday.

That's been happening to me a lot of nights lately... I'm just glad that we all get sunrises everymorning... hey, maybe this will be the day.