A year ago I made this post about my then 2-year relationship. Basically I wanted more than what the person could offer. I knew I was loved, but I wanted to feel that I was, not just know.
I let go of that person then. But that was the person I really really wanted things to work out with. I wanted be content with what I had. I tried to rationalize that physical expressions of affection - hugs, cuddles, kisses, an arm on your shoulder was not as important as loyalty and KNOWING that I am loved.
But I couldn't be content. I let go. I wasn't the only one who got hurt.
Now, after a year we crossed paths again. Everything feels the same. I haven't lost any feelings I had before. Everything and everyone around me just vanishes whenever we're together. I know I've been missed as well. I know that we both want to say that things will be the same again.
Nothing has changed. That's what's holding me back. Nothing has changed. I am still loved but I want to feel it, too.
There's always this question: "would you rather be with someone you love? or with someone who loves you?" - I always answer, "with the one I love."
Then why is it so difficult now?
Someone I love or someone who loves me? I'd like to think the two aren't mutually exclusive.
ReplyDeleteGood luck at figuring things out, though. Matters of the heart can be so frustrating!
I spent three years in a relationship with someone that loved me trying to love him back. I would say, like Seithman, the ultimate relationship would be both. But in reality sometimes we make choices. I chose to be alone and hope that someday I find someone that I love, but he must love me back.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why its so elusive for some of us and so seemingly easy for others....are we too picky? Are we idealistic?
i do not know the specifics, but if i read between the lines correctly, it sounds to me like he is just not as kinesthetic. i tell you, that can be taught...think about it and yes, go with the one you love. just an unsolicited advise.
ReplyDeleteand by the way, you four SEASONS all look hot :)
jarred, it be great if they weren't separate.
ReplyDeleteBarbara, i also am wondering why its sooo easy for some. i've tried that kind too... wouldn't have lasted 2 years if that was the case.
May, had to look up that term :) but its more of he feels disgusted cause well... it's not acceptable behavior for him cause... he's a he and i'm a he... *sigh*
He feels disgusted? Oh dear. That's not good. For either of you.
ReplyDeleteI've learned the hard way (twice, no less) that getting involved with someone who is not yet comfortable with their sexuality and/or exploring it is just asking for heartbreak. And possibly other problems.
*sigh* i know. but sometimes you can't help but hope that maybe, maybe things will be different tomorrow...
ReplyDeleteIt's been a year and I know it would be wise to distance myself. It would be a lot easier if there was someone else.
Wouldn't it be right to just accept the person? and be content? isn't loyalty enough?
In the end, only you can answer those questions for yourself.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, you totally have my sympathy on the whole thing.