Lunch

I hate group lunches. Even just eating with a small group of people is an ordeal for me. It isn't like social events over dinner where it's more tolerable and sometimes actually fun

I prefer Lunch to be taken with as few people as possible. I feel no desire to socialize during lunch time. Maybe it's the higher temperature or something to do with the sun still shining.

Lunch is for business and work-related stuff otherwise it shouldn't be forced on someone to eat this meal in a group.

Just got off a 24 hr duty and I'm in no mood for this "social" lunch!

Timed Out

It took 5 years before I finally pushed myself to start residency training. I hated the fact that I would have no time of my own once I started training.

Now, after almost 2 years into my training, I am being coaxed to plan when and where to spend the 15 days vacation leave given to us every year. Reality is I can't afford to go anywhere. What's worse is I don't really feel like going anywhere. Maybe things would be different if there was that "someone" I could spend time with.

I was always afraid that residency would rob me of time for myself. I never expected that I would have some time off and yet have no desire to use it.

Bottomed Again

It was a good 4 months of having a taste of being higher up in the food chain. It was too good to last. The newest member of our department is going to quit (for personal reasons).

It isn't even final, but the ’requests’ are already starting. "do this." "do that."; and what I hate the most - the changes in our schedule. Instead of scheduling their lives around our work, it’s my sched that will get thrown around again.

That’s the way it is in the hospital hierarchy they said. And for a time when I was not at the bottom, I was told to exert my ’seniority’ by ’delegating’ tasks. That’s not my style. I don’t ask others to do what is mine to do. If that is the way one exercises his or her seniority then I’ll never become a senior.

What's worse is that the next applicant to be accepted might be another female... WTF!!!

Habagat

It looks like we've weathered the storm, again. Ondoy was worse, did more damage, claimed more lives but somehow this 2nd incident of region-wide flooding had a stronger impact on many.

During Ondoy, I was thankful I had a safe and dry place untouched by flooding. This tine I was thankful but there was this small core of guilt that I was so comfortable while many others were in peril.

What was unthinkable was that more than once during this disaster, I actually wanted to be on duty at the hospital. There was this feeling of wanting to be some place where I could be doing something instead of just staying at home.

It wasn't just me. Friends whom I always thought of as apathetic and cynical expressed wanting to do something to help and actually doing something.

Why this sudden sense of social responsibility, empathy... Whatever you may call it? It wasn't the media nor the internet. We had both during Ondoy and the pictures and videos then were worse.

Maybe it was because Ondoy happened too fast that what we all felt was shock and disbelief vs this time when we all saw the meter by meter rise of flood waters and the consequences each meter caused.

Or maybe, just maybe... We're more human now.

More Than Words

I blogged about this person from my past at least 2 times before (here and here).

He was the one I let go.

This year, 5 years since we last met, our paths crossed again thanks to social networking sites. I couldn't help but feel excited about meeting again and catching up on the years we spent apart. And I couldn't help but feel this tiny spark of hope that maybe we could give "us" a try again.

The years had been kind to him physically. He still looked as good, even better than he did before. We've both grown and at the same time so much has stayed the same. He asked me why I left. That took me by surprised. I couldn't explain something that wasn't tangible. I felt like I was trying to describe "sound" to someone who couldn't hear.

After a few hours together, it was obvious that the things that drew me to him were still there - That he appreciated the smallest of things was the one that always caught me off guard. Unfortunately, the things that made me leave were also still there. And what we had years ago was really as good as it would get.

"…Now that I've tried to talk to you
and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands
and touch me
Hold me close
don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
that you love me
'Cause I'd already know..."