CHERRY POPPIN’: A Singles Soiree for a Cause

Singles, like romantic couples, have as much to celebrate this February!

Come and join the Loveyourself’s CHERRY POPPIN' Singles Soiree on February 21, 2015 to meet and mingle with other strapping gay guys, share engaging dating stories, and dance to the hypnotic beats of Boys Can Trance.

You also have a chance to snag a date at our luscious charity auction featuring sweet and sexy guys that just might be worthy of your cherry lips.

But this post-Valentine poolside party is open to all - single guys and girls, couples, and all those fuzzy shades in between!

Tickets are sold for only PhP250.00 inclusive of a free drink. Tickets are limited, so inquire now at 09063228873 or sign up at http://go.loveyourself.ph/CherryTickets before it’s party time. The event starts at 5:00 pm till midnight at the rooftop area of West of Ayala Bldg., 252 Sen. Gil Puyat Avenue, Makati City.

***Ticket sales and auction proceeds will help raise funds for the benefit of LoveYourself, an advocacy dedicated to HIV testing and awareness.

Casual Convos

Looking for a post-Valentine’s pick me up? CHERRY POPPIN’ Singles Soiree kicks off with casual conversations on singlehood and dating. Chat the afternoon away in carefree café-style sessions on finding yourself, finding love, dating and courtship and being in a relationship. Know more about yourself and that cute guy across you!

Date Auction

Then the night heats up with a fun date auction. Get a chance to go out on a date with our featured hot guys. Take your pick from a handsome indie film actor, a sexy accountant, a hunky banker, a buff BPO guy, and a boy-next-door entrepreneur. These men will surely stimulate your mind and mesmerize your heart on a fancy dinner—just the two of you.

We also have mystery auctions that will make your heart flutter when they are revealed and put up for bidding at the event itself.

Winning bidders will get an all-expense paid dinner date for 2 and a couple’s massage session. These are made possible with the help of our sponsors: Aesthetic Science, Bliss Pleasure Enhancing Lubricants, The Sanctuary, and The Pulse.

Poolside Party

Throughout the CHERRY POPPIN’ Singles Soiree, the Boys Can Trance takes the temperature higher with sick beats and lively music. Feel free to dance with your gang, newfound friends or that handsome stranger you’ve been eyeing.

See you!

Acceptance

I have made the decision to accept my present circumstances. It's not contentment per se but I am hoping that will follow. I've been fighting my being all along - from my love life, to my schedule, my work, my financial reality - and have made stupid decisions that gave me regrets over the years.

I accept that I am single. Maybe I'll find love again someday but I accept the feeling of being alone for now. Hopefully, that will end those random dates that are more for the sake of company than the quality of company.

I accept that my work schedule will demand to be the priority of my life. All my personal plans are tentative at best because of the unpredictability of my work. I hope that this will put a stop to my compulsive shopping whenever frustration steps in.

I accept my financial status. - which isn't really much right now. I'm in over my head and I can't afford anything new. Everything I have right now works more than adequately for my needs and hobbies. I don't need newer gadgets, I just want them.

I accept myself.

Work = Sanity

Another hard truth I have to accept about my life - my work, no matter how stressful, keeps me sane. I may have a hard time getting up in the morning especially on a holiday and I may think that I should be sleeping in late and enjoying the great weather, then spend the whole day relaxing maybe watching TV.

But the reality is I would be wide awake in my bed thinking of whom to possibly spend the day with and most likely turn to PR, Grindr, WeChat to try and hook up. It may or may not work. If it does, I'd find myself in a mall anticipating the "date" and get angry since he's bound to be late and then feel regret about spending what little money I have on a movie with someone not even capable of carrying on a simple conversation.

If it doesn't work, I'll drag myself out of bed before lunch and then regret staying in bed for too long. After lunch it'll be back to bed or try watching TV and procrastinate reading. Then before I know it, evening will arrive and I'll get mad at myself for wasting the day and not accepting the invite of some random guy on the net whom I'm not really that into, thinking that anything could be better than how I just spent my day.

The bitter truth is that when I'm at work, I can't make stupid compulsive decisions with regards to my social life. I can't blame myself for wasting time. I can't spend my money for anything aside from food - and I'm too lazy even to eat. And I won't have to go through the anxiety of trying to meet someone new.

So I really should be happy that I'm on duty on a holiday. I should. Yey :(


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Quality of Life

An 80yr old lady comes into the clinic. She's strong (for her age), sharp mind, good hearing, good eyesight, can walk fairly well with a cane for assistance. She's had a good life - her children have their own families and are doing well. A son is taking good care of her.

She has cancer - a big one in her neck. But otherwise she's fine. She wants to get an operation because, well, it's cancer...

How can I make her understand that it's not that simple a decision? A few years earlier, it would be an easy decision.

She might not survive the surgery. If she does, she might not fully recover and wish she didn't get the surgery in the first place. If she does survive, she might not survive the radiotherapy and chemotherapy that has to come after the surgery. If she does survive, she might not fully recover. If she does fully recover... that's a lot of "IFs".

How can I make her understand that the extra time the surgery MIGHT give her could be spent bedridden and totally dependent on her relatives?

How can I tell her that if she doesn't undergo surgery, she might even die of old age before the cancer kills her?

But then again, I'm not even sure of any of the above. They are all just possibilities.

And yet, I know more than she does. And I know once she undergoes surgery, there is no turning back. The end of her life is inevitably near and the cancer might not even have an effect on her lifespan. And surgery could.

Hub Chronicles 2: Internet Information Danger

It was drama day. I had few counselees but several were on an emotional high. I consider it a weird day at the hub when I get 3 girls who burst into tears and 2 of them hugging me:

Female counselee #1: Six weeks ago she noted flat "rashes" on her palms and soles. No pain, no itchiness, just flat redness. Like any tech savy individual she turned to the internet and searched for conditions that "fit" her symptoms. She found Secondary Syphilis but instead of confirming with a doctor she accepted the information as her "diagnosis" and suffered in worry and shame (even if she knew she didn't have any risk factors) for 6 weeks before finally deciding get herself tested.

Female counselee #2: Currently in a stable relationship but had a past relationship with someone from another country. She read in the internet about the high incidence of HIV in that country and started to worry. She read about the signs and symptoms of HIV+ persons and began to "feel" those symptoms herself until she was convinced she was HIV+. Several weeks later, she got tested.

Female counselee #3: she works in another country. One day she noticed several nodes on both sides of her neck. She consulted a doctor and the suspicion was TB. A blood test was requested (this was in another country) which came out negative. She was convinced that it was a false negative result so she searched the internet for reasons why that blood test would come out falsely negative and she focused on one - HIV - and she accepted that she had it. She applied for an extended vacation leave and came home. She knew she was loyal and her partner swore his loyalty, too. For 3 months she lived with the fear and worry of what HIV would do to her and what it would mean for her family. Then she got tested.

The Internet is great source of information (and I wish I had this much access when I was in Med School).

BUT...

Information, especially medical information has to be placed in context. Nothing in Medicine is absolute. If you think you have something, check the internet and if you find something, go to a doctor for confirmation. Never diagnose yourself solely by information found in the internet even if you are in the medical field. Even doctors loose their objectivity when treating themselves or close family members.

And, if you think you have a sexually transmitted infection. Get tested NOW.

All I Want for Christmas 2013

Tagged by Aris.
The Rules are:

1. Make a post entitled “All I Want For Christmas 2013” and use the photo above.
2. List 6 things that you want to receive as a gift.
3. Tag 3 friends who will make the same post (no tag backs).
4. Send me the link so I could check it too (optional).

I'm really fond of gadgets so it won't be a surprise why I'm wishing for the following:

> Retina MacBook Pro 15" with maxed out specs

my dream machine. and always out of reach.

> iPad Mini w/ Retina Display

another excuse to get all my reading done :)

> An All-expense paid, pocket money-provided, stress-free/work-free 2-week vacation

Boracay! :)

> A maintenance-free gym bod

i don't really have the discipline or the stamina and the time to achieve this.

> my own condo unit

rent free, of course :) and fully furnished :)

> good health and happiness for my family

tagging That Nishiboy, Corporate Closet, and Manila Gay Guy

Hub Chronicles 1

He plans to propose to his girlfriend this but felt the need to make sure he was "negative" before proposing. He was haunted by his one night stand 4 years ago...

He was 6 months into the relationship when he found out his partner was keeping a secret from him. I asked him why he stayed. He replied that when he entered the relationship it was for life and looking back at the past 6 months, he realized that the sometimes ’odd’ behavior of his partner was because he was trying to protect him. He decided that it was worth the risk to stay in the relationship...

He is in a 3+ year relationship. But he was seduced during a recent party. Now guilt is wreaking havoc on his mind. The good result had no effect whatsoever... And he left just like he arrived - his burden just as heavy...

He is in a 4-month relationship. He noticed he was loosing weight, developed a lung infection and had frequent colds. And yet he didn't practice safe sex. All he wishes for this Christmas was if he really had "it", it would only be him...

He is in a 10+ yr relationship. 3 years ago he had an STI. His partner said it was because of diarrhea. They continued doing things without protection. Recently, his partner tested positive...

Blind Dates

I've had at least 15 so far this year. Technically they weren't blind dates since I had an idea of how they looked like thanks to social networking sites. But pictures don't really give the real 'picture'. It's actually easier to be cool, funny and even sweet and caring over SMS, and instant messengers than it is to be in person.

So how long should one wait before agreeing to meet someone he has "met" online?

I've always thought it a waste of time to get to know someone before agreeing to meet in person. It's not work it to invest days or weeks (!) of exchanging messages and info only to abruptly stop once having met in person. If I want to get to know someone, I'd like to do it the old fashioned way - talking in person.

Stability

I've never been the type of person who has been happy being single. I'm not timid either. In fact, I'm headstrong, assertive, impatient - the kind of person who would rather go at it alone then wait for others to arrive. But, being single has been the source of stress for me. I felt this strong urge to find someone to be an anchor, to quiet the chaos in my mind.

I hated weekends, vacation leaves, movies, eating out because there was this  pressure to find someone to spend them with. Sometimes, the pressure would be too much that I would end up doing stupid things and making stupid decisions that I mostly regretted.

Two things happened recently:

> I had a roomate (who was in a long-term relationship) yet whom I barely knew and didn't talk much with and yet it turned out to be one of the most peaceful nights I've had in a long while.

> I was confronted during a group session on what I feel when I'm alone - I couldn't answer because I didn't know what it was - fear, loneliness, need to belong, lost - it was none of these.

Then a friend suggested that maybe I was looking for stability. And that was it!

But then how could the mere presence of someone I barely knew give me stability?

Then my friend said,

What he has and what he has accomplished is what makes you feel secure and stable. Before you may have thought that feat was but a mere fantasy, like you're chasing your own fairy tale for it to materialize. After long bouts of being proven wrong, you go frantic doubting its existence 

Then here comes him, someone who has the thing you crave the most. You let down your walls because you know he has his down, and why wouldn't he.  It's something that words can't justify.

I Used To Write

I've been maintaining a blog since 2005 (even i'm surprised at how long ago that was). It was supposed to be a diary of sorts of my thoughts and feelings. That was when the Internet held some sort of anonymity where it was like a stranger - somehow I can open up easier to strangers.

Things change. Well it's a cliche - "The only constant thing in life is change", but it's true. The internet has evolved and become an extension, and sometimes even takes the place of personal interaction. It has become something familiar and anonymity is almost non-existent.

I've changed. The moody, sensitive, emotional, empathetic "me" has become an apparently impatient, no-nonsense, detached, self absorbed, unemotional "me".

I used to write. But that skill has been neglected for several years and is rusting away. It seems who I am now can't take criticisms well even from my own self. But recent events have brought the past into focus again. It's a scary thought but I might actually really love the person whom I was before - the insecure guy with an almost non-existent self-image. I want him back.

This was some part of "me" before:

>>>>>>>

Repost: Why I Am Who I AM - August 8, 2008

Genetics vs Environment... that debate has gone on for ages. It's a bit of both between for me. I was born with a bit more potential to be different but it was the environment that made that potential into a reality. 

There were signs when I was a kid - I always had a "best" friend who was always a guy I really wasn't that close with. Most of my friends were girls. I was a bit nerdy, an introvert, and not into sports... There was no dominant female figure, or an abusive uncle or cousin... no traumatic experience such as a heartbreak.

It was simply insecurity that pushed me to the other side. The unconscious admiration I had for other guys also made me look at myself and see that I wasn't as athletic, as good looking, as popular as these other guys.

I'm speaking as someone looking back here when I say that the insecurity I felt when I was younger somehow led me to believe that i was "less of a guy" and the desire I had to be "like" the other guys was somehow warped to feel like I "liked" other guys.
So years of that psychologic environment acted on the inborn potential... and here I am.... born out of insecurity. Unable to change what has been and unsure of what will be.

<<<<<<<

Another One Bites the Dust

The 1st mortality since I started my residency. She refused any form of diagnostics for her tongue lesion until it was too late.

It would be understandable if it was just the fear but from interviews, it had more to do with irrational beliefs - the cancer would spread faster if it was probed, it was already there so what good would a biopsy do... etc.

Frustrating part was when she eventually agreed to be treated, the disease had already weakened her that it was only a matter of time.

And time ran out today.

Do We Need A Superman Today?

my sister didn't like Man of Steel. it made me realize - Superman isn't relevant in this generation. He symbolized Hope, Truth, Justice, and Freedom during the Cold War. and because of that he isn't relevant anymore today (Unlike the Avengers, who don't stand for anything, will remain relevant always). Without the Cold War, Superman is just another superhero and a boring one at that because he doesn't have unique powers or doesn't look exotic (like the Hulk). 

Forced Leave

Friday ng umaga nagising ako na stressed. Nakaleave kasi ako for the weekend - ako nalang siguro ang taong galit sa leave. Pero days off pa nga lang hindi ko alam anung gagawin ko. Lagi kasi ako naghahanap ng kasama e lalo na pag ganitong nakaleave. Tapos nagkataon pa na out of town dad ko kaya libre ang sasakyan kaya mas malawak ang choices ng pwedeng puntahan.

Yun nga siguro ang problema, madami ako pwedeng puntahan pero Hindi ko talaga alam saan ko gusto pumunta. Pero sa totoo ang hanap ko talaga ay taong pupuntahan.

Be Careful What You Wish For

I've had annoying patients in the past but this one was definitely one of the best of the worst...

She was a teacher In her late 40s or early 50s she came in when the OPD was just about closing. We proceded to take her history and she suddenly snapped that would we just talk and talk, weren't we supposed to examine her instead of interview her?

The blood shot up to my face so fast it hurt. I kept my voice in check but my eyes may have said things differently. Her complaint centered on her throat but then everything was normal in appearance.

To comply with her request to "examine" her, endoscopy of her throat was suggested and so was a CAT scan. She balked at the cost of these examinations.

I would have wanted nothing more than to snap back at her, "ha! didn't you just refuse to give us more info and demand we just examine you? Since you have volunteered so little information, we have no choice but to request several procedures since you appear normal on PE and now you refuse because you realize you can't afford it!"

But I didn't.

Lunch

I hate group lunches. Even just eating with a small group of people is an ordeal for me. It isn't like social events over dinner where it's more tolerable and sometimes actually fun

I prefer Lunch to be taken with as few people as possible. I feel no desire to socialize during lunch time. Maybe it's the higher temperature or something to do with the sun still shining.

Lunch is for business and work-related stuff otherwise it shouldn't be forced on someone to eat this meal in a group.

Just got off a 24 hr duty and I'm in no mood for this "social" lunch!

Timed Out

It took 5 years before I finally pushed myself to start residency training. I hated the fact that I would have no time of my own once I started training.

Now, after almost 2 years into my training, I am being coaxed to plan when and where to spend the 15 days vacation leave given to us every year. Reality is I can't afford to go anywhere. What's worse is I don't really feel like going anywhere. Maybe things would be different if there was that "someone" I could spend time with.

I was always afraid that residency would rob me of time for myself. I never expected that I would have some time off and yet have no desire to use it.

Bottomed Again

It was a good 4 months of having a taste of being higher up in the food chain. It was too good to last. The newest member of our department is going to quit (for personal reasons).

It isn't even final, but the ’requests’ are already starting. "do this." "do that."; and what I hate the most - the changes in our schedule. Instead of scheduling their lives around our work, it’s my sched that will get thrown around again.

That’s the way it is in the hospital hierarchy they said. And for a time when I was not at the bottom, I was told to exert my ’seniority’ by ’delegating’ tasks. That’s not my style. I don’t ask others to do what is mine to do. If that is the way one exercises his or her seniority then I’ll never become a senior.

What's worse is that the next applicant to be accepted might be another female... WTF!!!

Habagat

It looks like we've weathered the storm, again. Ondoy was worse, did more damage, claimed more lives but somehow this 2nd incident of region-wide flooding had a stronger impact on many.

During Ondoy, I was thankful I had a safe and dry place untouched by flooding. This tine I was thankful but there was this small core of guilt that I was so comfortable while many others were in peril.

What was unthinkable was that more than once during this disaster, I actually wanted to be on duty at the hospital. There was this feeling of wanting to be some place where I could be doing something instead of just staying at home.

It wasn't just me. Friends whom I always thought of as apathetic and cynical expressed wanting to do something to help and actually doing something.

Why this sudden sense of social responsibility, empathy... Whatever you may call it? It wasn't the media nor the internet. We had both during Ondoy and the pictures and videos then were worse.

Maybe it was because Ondoy happened too fast that what we all felt was shock and disbelief vs this time when we all saw the meter by meter rise of flood waters and the consequences each meter caused.

Or maybe, just maybe... We're more human now.

More Than Words

I blogged about this person from my past at least 2 times before (here and here).

He was the one I let go.

This year, 5 years since we last met, our paths crossed again thanks to social networking sites. I couldn't help but feel excited about meeting again and catching up on the years we spent apart. And I couldn't help but feel this tiny spark of hope that maybe we could give "us" a try again.

The years had been kind to him physically. He still looked as good, even better than he did before. We've both grown and at the same time so much has stayed the same. He asked me why I left. That took me by surprised. I couldn't explain something that wasn't tangible. I felt like I was trying to describe "sound" to someone who couldn't hear.

After a few hours together, it was obvious that the things that drew me to him were still there - That he appreciated the smallest of things was the one that always caught me off guard. Unfortunately, the things that made me leave were also still there. And what we had years ago was really as good as it would get.

"…Now that I've tried to talk to you
and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands
and touch me
Hold me close
don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
that you love me
'Cause I'd already know..."

I Wish You Had a Heart / Mind

"What do you wish people had for the members of the LGBT community - A heart that truly cares or a mind that truly understands?"

This was the final question in a recently concluded pageant. While many people would argue about the power of love and that love conquers all, I personally think that it's not the lack of love that is that problem but rather the lack of understanding.

In fact, the people whom we are afraid will hurt us are often the ones closest to us - friends and family. These people love us. Ironically they hurt us out of love - because they think they're doing what is best for us. We are often also afraid to tell them the truth because we don't know if they will understand.

Real acceptance will only come with real undestanding. And acceptance in this case doesn't always require the presence of love.