Hopeless

... That's what I feel looking at our patient. She's 53. Found to have cancer of the food tube. She was supposed to undergo radiation therapy when she experienced difficulty breathing. She had to be admitted to the ICU and hooked up to a machine that would do the breathing for her. Doctors found out that the cancer had spread to her lungs. There is nothing they can do. It's practically game over.

It would be easier if she wasn't fully awake and comprehending. I cannot imagine what is ging through her mind. But she either is in denial or is not aware of her actual status. She's in limbo. Midway between life and death... Or maybe nearer death. But what she's going through right now is no way to live nor is it a way to die.

Only a miracle can save her. And if there's no chance of one happening, she has to at least die with dignity... But there doesn't seem to be a chance of either.

Super Women

I'm almost through my 1st month as an official resident in training. It took several weeks of soul searching and several sleepless restless nights but I finally decided (it seems correctly) on applying to train to be an otorhinolaryngologist (aka Ears, nose, throat) doctor.

There are 3 other more experienced residents in the department and all 3 are women, all have kids, and husbands :) I have no idea how they manage to have energy to play with their kids considering that we work 96hours/week and yet they manage. While I fall in bed exhausted when I get home, they are always in a hurry to get home and spend time with their kids, go out with their partners, and take care of household stuff. Where do they ever find the energy for that?

3 Weeks and Counting...

By tomorrow it will have been exactly 3 weeks since I started my specialty training. The transition wasn't as hard as I had first anticipated. In part that's because I'm getting along well (so far) with those I'll be working with.

But once in a while I've been feeling a certain heaviness the cause of which I can't place my finger on.

It's not the work load.

I hope it's not resignation.

2 Weeks Notice

She was about 4 or 5 years old and at the outpatient department for the 2nd time since last November because of a foul-smelling stuff coming from her right nose. Her nose was so swollen the first time that she was prescribed antibiotics and told to return after a week. But she wasn't brought back. The swelling subsided and even if the bad smell was still there her parents thought she would be ok.

She was brought back because the smell became stronger. All that could be seen in her nose was the mucous, and something black. And the smell... like something rotten.

She denied she put anything in her nose. But there was something black inside. It took almost 20 minutes to get it out - a now corroded battery which had been in her nose for about 3 months. With medications the smell will eventually disappear. But the battery had already leaked and could still cause the bones of her nose to collapse. Only time will tell. Hopefully this time she'll be brought in for follow up.

This is going to be something I will routinely see in the specialty I've chosen (finally). And the more I observe in the out patient department, the more I seem to be looking forward to start the training. Hopefully I'll also enjoy the major operations.

In 2 weeks I'll be starting my pre-residency. No salary for about 2 months. And there'll be 2 of us vying for the slot. I hope after 2 months it'll be me

Changes

All is well. Things have been falling into place like pieces of the puzzle. I finally faced the reason for my anxiety for the past few months - not the difficulty of choosing a residency program, but my not wanting to start training. I decided to try applying for ENT (a big part due to things I mentioned in my previous post) and so far I feel that I've made the right decision.

2011 is going to be a year of change and it seems not only for me but for a lot of people I know. Even the dates of the zodiac signs have changed :) After living the life of a Libra, I may be a Virgo after all.

Change can be scary sometimes but I think I'll get through. Now have to think of a new blog banner design to reflect the new things coming my way.

[UPDATE: so I'm still a Libra after all. Only those born 2009 and up are affected by the changes :| ]