the OC

 I have this obssessive-compulsive tendency. It usually is under control but when I'm stressed out, the control goes away. I was just thinking about these past few months and I realized that the 2 best decisions I've made in the past 5 months had nothing to do with proper planning and careful assessment.

The 1st was entering that group dance class at the gym. It just happened that all the attendees that day were female and I really didn't have any talent in dancing. I was just staring at the class for a few minutes and just decided to go in and join. Never regretted doing that since.

The 2nd happened was on Chinese New Year's day. I was pissed off because of the schedule changes in my duty and I had to stay a few hours longer at work. I ended up with an iPhone 4S that evening which was and is totally worth the cost.

It seems that the major decisions I make are either when my stress levels are peaking or when I'm stupidly infatuated with someone (and finding that someone is stressing me out). Today is a holiday. I shouldn't be on duty. But I am. And I'm angry. I'm trying to find a way to calm down but so far nothing comes to mind. This is one of those times when I'm bound to do something stupid.

Tell Me, All Is Well

It wasn't a week to be proud of. Mistakes were made and tempers (mine most of he time) were flying. We tried our best to be professional with the other even if our personal opinion of the other was far from friendly.

Even the slowest to loose her temper, lost it when she crossed paths with the staff of another section who (maybe) was having her own bad day. She was trembling from trying to control her anger. And then she said that in times like these, she wanted to go home to her kid and husband whom she was sure would calm her nerves.

Three days earlier, I was in her situation. The anger kept me restless and sleepless for 2 nights. It was futile trying to calm down, to try to control my frustration. Even trying to forgive didn't work.

I was looking for some way to rechannel the anger and convert it to something else. I tried of thinking of something stupidly expensive to buy (the last time this happened… well, I have an iPhone now) and ended up ordering a lens for my DSLR but thankfully the weather made me cancel the exchange. Watching a movie didn't work. Sex… well, I don't think that would work either (was worried it would just add to the frustration).

SMS, IMs, PMs, tweets…

In the end you realize that all you need is someone to hold you tight and say, "everything's going to be all right."

Ties that Bind

My "generation" of cousins were just kids during our 1st reunion. It was like christmas - we were still easily awed by simple things. The internet was unknown. There were no cellphones yet. Telegrams and snail mail were still used. Travel was stressful but was an adventure in our eyes. Playing in the corn fields, chasing fireflies and swimming with water buffalos - That was our age of innocence.



In our 3rd reunion, a younger generation of cousins were present. They grew up overseas under the influence of the internet. My generation was still finding our way through our chosen careers.

This April we will be having another reunion. Our grandmother - the matriarch of our family - has turned 80 and is the major reason for the reunion. It is a big possibility that this will be her last. We are now all grown up and many cousins have married and some have kids of their own. We used to be less than a thousand miles apart but now it’s time zones that separate us. And yet, the world is smaller because of Facebook.

Because of our different schedules and the logistics involved we will only be complete on the evening of April 5th. The next day, some will have to go on their way. But that short time will be enough to strengthen the ties that bind us as a family.

I wonder if we’ll ever have another reunion when our grandma isn’t present anymore. She is the core in which all our family ties intersect. It’s fortunate that somehow I will be present.

What's In A Kiss

There was a time when I didn't give a 2nd thought about kissing someone who didn't mind being kissed by me.

Recently I found myself beside someone, close enough for breathing to be heard and yet I hesitated. The possible consequences of going through with it ran through my mind: strained friendships, betrayal of trust, loss of respect, possible heartache...

Kissing never was this complicated before. And never before did I consider the pandora's box that might be opened just because of a simple kiss.

I didn't open it that night.

I opened it the following night.

The Love Yourself Cafe

http://manilagayguy.net/2012/02/05/update-the-love-yourself-cafe-on-friendship-and-love/

 I just got home from attending the 2nd gathering of the Love Yourself Cafe. I learned about it from the blogs of Miggs, Mcvie, and CC. I've been following their blogs for several years and it's party because of reading their blogs that I started a blog of my own (of course I've always run out of things to post about so I just read most of the time). They are also some of the core members of the fabcasters who have produce podcasts tackling different topics relating to men.

The Love Yourself campaign started out as a HIV awareness program. If I heard correctly, it was Miggs who came out with the idea of starting the Love Yourself Cafe with the purpose of providing a venue where people like me could gather together and discuss issues without fear of being discriminated, judged or ostracized. They had their first gathering a few months back which, unfortunately, I didn't really pay much attention to. It was when I read the feedback that I regretted not registering to join. Luckily I was able to join this time.

The topic was Friendship and Love Among Men and I'll blog about that sometime. I think it's great that someone is actually doing something and not just talking about rights, equality, acceptance… If only there was such a campaign when I was younger. The HIV education, rights advocacy, gay marriage, equality in the workplace, no descrimation, etc. are all nice and good. But what they are addressing with the LYC is something which I think is more important and yet so basic that it is almost always overlooked - that's the need to know you're not alone, and the need to belong.

And as a bonus (maybe the real reason I went) was I finally got to meet the authors behind the blogs I follow and some of those behind the blogs I will be following from now on :)