Speechless

I used to have an opinion on everyone and everything. But for the past few months no matter how busy I've become, I don't seem to have anything to say.

Patients are people

It was the first major case of my residency. A case of tongue cancer. The operation would need several surgeons and would take at least 12hrs.

Preparations required that the patient would be seen by several surgeons who would palpate and poke and prod the patients mouth... And discuss where the possible incisions would be made, what parts of the mouth and neck would be taken out... All in front of the patient.

It wasn't meant to be rude. It just seems to be the way doctors detach themselves. The importance of detachment during an operation has its merits.

Being able to emphasize with the patient may affect the judgment of the doctors, could make them play safe instead of doing what is right or ideal.

But... Patients are still people

Hopeless

... That's what I feel looking at our patient. She's 53. Found to have cancer of the food tube. She was supposed to undergo radiation therapy when she experienced difficulty breathing. She had to be admitted to the ICU and hooked up to a machine that would do the breathing for her. Doctors found out that the cancer had spread to her lungs. There is nothing they can do. It's practically game over.

It would be easier if she wasn't fully awake and comprehending. I cannot imagine what is ging through her mind. But she either is in denial or is not aware of her actual status. She's in limbo. Midway between life and death... Or maybe nearer death. But what she's going through right now is no way to live nor is it a way to die.

Only a miracle can save her. And if there's no chance of one happening, she has to at least die with dignity... But there doesn't seem to be a chance of either.

Super Women

I'm almost through my 1st month as an official resident in training. It took several weeks of soul searching and several sleepless restless nights but I finally decided (it seems correctly) on applying to train to be an otorhinolaryngologist (aka Ears, nose, throat) doctor.

There are 3 other more experienced residents in the department and all 3 are women, all have kids, and husbands :) I have no idea how they manage to have energy to play with their kids considering that we work 96hours/week and yet they manage. While I fall in bed exhausted when I get home, they are always in a hurry to get home and spend time with their kids, go out with their partners, and take care of household stuff. Where do they ever find the energy for that?

3 Weeks and Counting...

By tomorrow it will have been exactly 3 weeks since I started my specialty training. The transition wasn't as hard as I had first anticipated. In part that's because I'm getting along well (so far) with those I'll be working with.

But once in a while I've been feeling a certain heaviness the cause of which I can't place my finger on.

It's not the work load.

I hope it's not resignation.