Changes

All is well. Things have been falling into place like pieces of the puzzle. I finally faced the reason for my anxiety for the past few months - not the difficulty of choosing a residency program, but my not wanting to start training. I decided to try applying for ENT (a big part due to things I mentioned in my previous post) and so far I feel that I've made the right decision.

2011 is going to be a year of change and it seems not only for me but for a lot of people I know. Even the dates of the zodiac signs have changed :) After living the life of a Libra, I may be a Virgo after all.

Change can be scary sometimes but I think I'll get through. Now have to think of a new blog banner design to reflect the new things coming my way.

[UPDATE: so I'm still a Libra after all. Only those born 2009 and up are affected by the changes :| ]

Signs

when you're looking for something, you have to know, well, you have to know what you're looking for. So I shouldn't be surprised that after going from one hospital to another inquiring about available slots for residency that I'm not any nearer to making a decision because I don't really know what I want. At each one I was always asked, "What department?" and I didn't have an answer.

when mortals are faced with indecision they turn to a higher power and that was what I was doing while sitting at a bench near the entrance of a hospital. I think I was there for 15 minutes seemingly staring at nothing.

I don't know if my eyes were closed or I was so caught up with my thoughts that I couldn't see anything but suddenly I was nudged by someone and heard "bata pasok ka na (kid, go inside)". It was a doctor I knew who specialized in otorhinolaryngology (ENT - ears, nose, throat). I just stood up and followed him into the hospital making small talk. Just inside was another otorhinolaryngologist I knew. I parted ways with the 1st doctor and headed to the office where residency applications where accepted.

Why I was talking with the secretary about the open slots, a lady doctor (a resident) came into the office and sat next to me waiting her turn to talk to the secretary. As I was standing to leave, it just came to me to ask if there was an opening in the ENT department. And suddenly the lady doctor said, "yes". Turns out she was an ENT resident in the last 2 months of her training freeing up one slot when she did.

... so what do mortals do when we receive a sign?

... we doubt and ask for other signs.

and so I'm still looking, not knowing what I'm looking for.

The Decade That Was

I’m at a crossroads again and saying I’m terrified is an understatement. The past 10 years was a fork in the road and it led me to:

1. a degree in Medicine
2. a degree in Nursing (don’t ask)
3. my first job (with pay)
4. my first delivery (of a baby)
5. new friends
6. old friends
7. 4 relationships
8. lose a laptop and 2 cellphones
9. own 5 cellphones
10. my first digital camera (S5IS)
11. my first DSLR (D5000)
12. Kalibo
13. Polillo
14. Baguio (5x)
15. Cagayan de Oro
16. Puerto Galera (3x)
17. Romblon
18. Subic (2x)
19. Baler, Aurora
20. Boracay (4x)
21. Christmas Vacations with Family (5x)
22. But the best thing that happened to me was I gained weight.

If you’ve been following this blog you know what I mean. There’s a reason I had so few pictures during before 2006 – I hated myself. I can see myself in medschool (2000-2003), clerkship (2004), and internship (2005) looking like I was the patient instead of the doctor. My long-time friends can attest that I looked that way even before 2001. Actually I was that way since highschool.

After passing the Medical boards I didn’t go into specialty training. I was tired of that life. I instead look for a clinic where I could work as a general physician. It was while working there that a medrep visited and recommended a certain chinese herbal medicine that could increase appetite. I had tried everything else before and even in I was sceptical I took this meds. The result: pictures Sept 2005 – April 2006.

My life changed.

Why am I writing this? Because this year I have to start my specialty training. For the next 3 years (minimum) I’ll have to give up my time, my income, vacations, sleep, and I just pray that my relationship is strong enough to survive.

If I had my way, I wouldn’t go into training but my future would be at stake. I have to.

Why am I writing this? because if I went directly into specialty training immediately after the board exams I would already be a specialist now. But it’s very likely that I would still look and feel the way I did during the first half of the past decade. If I went straight into training I wouldn’t be confident and happy about myself. I wouldn’t love myself.

I am trying to convince myself that those years weren’t wasted. I want to believe it was worth it not going into training immediately.

Because the consequence of that delay now means that my life as I know it will end, and will again start at 40, literally. While others will be enjoying the results of their hard work at that time, I’ll be just starting my hard work.

I have made a lot of decisions I regret but the past 5 years can’t be part of them. They were worth it.

I’m still (quietly) hoping that no hospital will accept me or for some reason find me unqualified but deep inside I know I’ll be starting this year and I can’t put it off anymore.

I just pray that somehow I learn to love what I do because,

“Time flies when you’re having fun.”

Travelogue: CDO Rafting

The last time I was here was more than 10 years ago and even then I fell in love with this city. It wasn't too large nor too small for my taste. And even now even with more traffic it still offers the perfect mix of city and outdoor living. You get many shopping malls, an active night scene but still enjoy fresh air and cool breezes. Just a few minutes commute and you have beaches, rivers, mountains and streams.

During the years Cagayan de Oro City "the City of Golden Friendship" has become a tourist destination. Among it's more popular draws are the longest dual zipline in Asia and the white river rafting. Technically both aren't located in Cagayan de Oro but rather in the adjacent province of Bukidnon but CDO serves as the staging point having the nearest airport.

The white water rafting is a must for those visiting CDO. There are already about 6 rafting organizers that you can contact. During our visit, we made arrangements with Kagay. There are 4 levels of rafting difficulty you can choose from: beginner, advanced, and 2 high level options. They differ in the roughness of the rapids. Even if it is your first time I strongly suggest that you skip the beginner and take the Advanced course.

Kagay offers the Advanced course at P1300/head which includes transportation to and from the river. If you are travelling in a party of less than 6, I suggest you make your reservation in advance and schedule it during the weekends since there has to be a minimum of 6 persons on a raft. The Advanced course consists of 24 rapids along a 16km stretch of the Cagayan River which will take you about 4 hours to complete. For an additional P300 you get an additional guide to serve as a photographer - this is highly recommended because you'll want to have many remembrances of this experience.

Make no mistake, this isn't a sightseeing boat ride. This is an authentic rafting experience and even though every safety precaution is taken, expect the possibility of minor injuries or bruises especially if you fall off the raft, or if your raft capsizes... and expect to get very wet and cold. (Of course it wouldn't be as memorable if no one falls off).

The tour starts with a short briefing on what to do if you fall off the raft, when to paddle and other instructions. 2 guides go with your group on the raft while the photographer (which you really should get) takes a kayak and goes ahead.

This alone makes it work the trip to Cagayan de Oro and it would be a sin not to experience this if you haven't been rafting before. I should know - I fell off the raft and I now know how important "Don't Panic" really is when you're in the water.

PS: for maximum enjoyment go during the rainy season when the river swells and the rapids are larger and the current stronger :)

Making the Most of Time

I read somewhere that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I wonder how many relationships the husband and wife had to go through before they eventually ended up getting married... and then divorced. I guess a successful relationship has an even lower chance of succeeding than a marriage. But that brings up the question: what is a successful relationship?

When marriage is not an option, how do we know a relationship is successful? Is it simply as long as they're together it's successful?

Given the odds, it's almost a sure thing that a relationship will fail. Still we go into them hoping against all odds. But for those who don't believe it'll last, why go into in the first place?

But maybe most of us have to accept the fact that things may not last. But then shouldn't that push us to make the most of it while it lasts?

Make every day together count, make every fight a lesson learned, and every occasion a celebration.