A Denied Need

I was chatting on the IRC where more often than not people like me log on to hook up with others. A chatter mentioned that he was looking for people who were depressed to chat with. That piqued my interest and I sent him a private message.

He said that last chirstmas he was depressed, heartbroken and hopeless but he said he learned a lot this past year and though he was still single now he was happy and he wanted to share what he learned with others.

I chatted with him because this was a 'first' for me to find someone with this reason for going into this particular chatroom.

........
<Rygel> i don't know what i'm looking for
<hangad> whats wrong
<hangad> really
<hangad> and certainly
<hangad> there's emptiness within right?
<Rygel> there's always that
<Rygel> but it's more of something's lacking
<hangad> i see
<hangad> spiritually how are oyu?
<Rygel> am ok spiritually
<hangad> really
<hangad> thats cool
<hangad> :)
<Rygel> it's not emptiness, its more of lack of fulfilment i guess... not really sure what it is
<hangad> i see
<hangad> you dont have to be sad
<hangad> and indulge in
<Rygel> i'm not even sad... that's the problem... i don't know what i feel
<hangad> oh
<Rygel> i'd say it's more of indifference
<hangad> that suprised me ah

Then he went on to say that the reason I was... well... bothered was because I contained my feelings and didn't share them with others. I disagreed that I needed someone to talk to...

<hangad> are u open to ur feelings
<hangad> i mean
<hangad> do you talk about it
<Rygel> i'd be happier (ironically) if i was sad or angry
<hangad> with some friend
<Rygel> no one to talk to
<hangad> awww
<hangad> that explains it
<Rygel> close friends don't know that i'm well, not straight... and people like me are too busy with their personal lives
<hangad> you really need to have that someone who'll listen to you
<Rygel> explains what?
<Rygel> hehehe... that's a short time solution
<hangad> kase
<hangad> no,its not
<hangad> listen
<Rygel> i'll be better siguro for about 4 hours then back to the same feelings
<hangad> i mean, leading a life like ours is complicated in the first place
<Rygel> but talking about it won't change anything
<hangad> feeling mo lang yun
<Rygel> i know it
<Rygel> :)
<Rygel> its just the same as being able to shout at the top of your voice
<hangad> its hard to contain feelings and not being able to express it
<Rygel> it's a big relief but very short lived
<Rygel> the problem with me ata is that i don't know what i'm feeling
No such nick/channel

He got cut off suddenly... Suddenly I felt sssoooo angry and mad at him that I wanted to shout at the monitor, "Come back here!!!"

He was right - I needed someone to talk with, to share what I felt and what I was going through. He was right - I was keeping all the negative emotions inside that it was eating away at me. He was right. I needed to let it out... only, there's no one here for me to talk to.