Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Our Only "Mistake"?

One of the Seasons was found out by his parents. It wasn't his choice, but someone else outed him because of selfish reasons. He's going through a difficult time right now.

"...I've been good kid, son, a brother - with my whole life; with one "mistake?" they cannot accept and understand me. I am not a killer, neither nor a gambler, to be hated and treated this way. I am their son, their brother..."

It breaks my heart. I know what he feels. It's not just the words you hear from the people you love that hurt, its the feeling that you're a disappointment to them, that you've hurt them. I don't know which is worse.

Sometimes I'd like to shout to everyone's face that it wasn't a choice, there wasn't a defining moment when anyone of us chose this path. It isn't an illness that can be cured.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

As Good As It Gets

A year ago I made this post about my then 2-year relationship. Basically I wanted more than what the person could offer. I knew I was loved, but I wanted to feel that I was, not just know.

I let go of that person then. But that was the person I really really wanted things to work out with. I wanted be content with what I had. I tried to rationalize that physical expressions of affection - hugs, cuddles, kisses, an arm on your shoulder was not as important as loyalty and KNOWING that I am loved.

But I couldn't be content. I let go. I wasn't the only one who got hurt.


Now, after a year we crossed paths again. Everything feels the same. I haven't lost any feelings I had before. Everything and everyone around me just vanishes whenever we're together. I know I've been missed as well. I know that we both want to say that things will be the same again.

Nothing has changed. That's what's holding me back. Nothing has changed. I am still loved but I want to feel it, too.

There's always this question: "would you rather be with someone you love? or with someone who loves you?" - I always answer, "with the one I love."

Then why is it so difficult now?


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